Fail: Hostess Brands, Inc.

I'm snobby about my baked goods.  I like breads with lots of grains in them, have never been a fan of white bread, and if I'm having a snack, it's more than likely nuts or candy.  I've enjoyed pastries for breakfast in the past, but only if they come from a local bakery.

So when Hostess announced this past week that they were ending production of their products, I shrugged.  The last time I had a Twinkie was probably in college, either on a dare, on a munchies binge, or because the bakery I loved wasn't open and the gas station where I was refueling my car was open.

My thought of Hostess's failure over the news this past week wasn't just from accounts of mismanagement and union battles.  It was because I've never thought that a Hostess snack was worth the calories, or that a sandwich made with Wonderbread was worth giving up the texture of, say, a nine-grain or wheat or rye alternative.  It's not only that I know that Hostess products are bad for me, but that they don't even taste good enough to cheat on a diet for.

Homemade semi-sweet cookies from west coast chain Specialty's bakery?  Yep, I'd cheat on a diet for one of those.  French toast flavored bagels from Panera bread with hazelnut spread?  There's another brand I'd leave my health code for, for just a moment.

Hostess is fighting all kinds of battles: nutritional, financial, managerial.  But maybe all of that would be less of a blow if the brand was less of a joke and more of a crafted item that the leadership wanted to fight for and the employees had some satisfaction in creating.  It wouldn't necessarily have to be better for all of us.  Ask the mom-and-pop bakeries across the country, those who are "recreating" the Ho-Ho and the Twinkie...and actually making it irresistible.

The folks who find Hostess's current products irresistible?  Their other bakery isn't open...or doesn't exist.

Fail: Extraordinary Desserts, San Diego, CA

I really, REALLY wanted to love Extraordinary Desserts.  Why?

• The hype about this place all over San Diego County is phenomenal;
• 1,991 people on Yelp give it an average rating of four stars;
• Come on, LOOK at that picture.  How can you not love this place?
• My friends and I reached this destination hot and hopeful for refreshment, so the business didn't have far to go to reach goal;
• Did you see the picture?

Actually, I snapped lots of pictures like that...until I came to the realization that the place was not air conditioned or poorly air-conditioned.  There was a crowd at the door.  There were empty tables.  And then my biggest realization:  this restaurant was doing what restaurants do if they are a tourist destination or if they have high ratings on the social network:  they "teach" the customer how to settle for less in portions of their experience.

Restaurants are probably the biggest proponent of this experience short-fall, although I have seen other businesses do it as well.  Businesses who do it usually don't last long unless they are restaurants--which only last marginally longer.  The customer is supposed to feel grateful to be in the presence of cakes that look like they were designed by sculptors and shortbread cookies that are bigger than one's hand.  The customer is supposed to be part of a tradition, and not perpetuating the tradition themselves by bringing their experience to the location.  (I've seen this as well in Las Vegas, where the customer is supposed to be grateful for the chance to dine at Bobby Flay's restaurant or have an ice cream sundae that three people who are starving couldn't finish.)  

On the other hand...Is the experience supposed to be absolutely flawless?  Shouldn't we expect some level of inconvenience with a popular place to visit?

Maybe on one level.  But Extraordinary Desserts inconvenienced me on the following levels:

• Chaotic, over-heated waiting area for seating;
• Desserts that, while huge and dressed up, didn't really have a depth or subtlety of flavors beyond sugar and flour (or, in the case of ice cream, sugar and cream);
• Two different servers, and the second one was far less invested in the table than the first;
• No air circulation beyond opening up a back door.

I guess I can say that I ate there, wearing the experience like a badge.  But I can't say that I would be eager to repeat the experience until Extraordinary Desserts works out the kinks in their system...if they want to.

Fail: But I Have No Idea Who the Company Is...Or What They Are Rejecting Me For...

Imagine getting this email when you check your account:

"Delivery Agent?"  "(JOB TITLE)?"

Is it just me, or have hiring personnel hit the ultimate level of laziness?  I think no response at all would be even better than this.

To add insult to injury, it should be noted that this email was sent to the email address that I utilized last year for job searches.  So...not only is this "person" rejecting me for an "unspecified" job, but they aren't getting around to it until at least EIGHT months after my application.

Can't say that I wanted to work in that company's culture, anyway, but employers?  Please do better than this.

Fail: Time Warner Cable

I haven't conducted a job search yet on this, but I'm willing to bet that Time Warner Cable is looking for a new director of programming.

My bet comes from coverage of TWC's snafu in missing "Linsanity" in New York City with the New York Nets, and, much to my chagrin as a baseball fan, they are now missing opening week in San Diego with lack of Padres' coverage.

Since I'm new to San Diego County I didn't find this out until yesterday afternoon, at game time.

I have to wonder...with problems like this on two coasts...how many bars/businesses/etc have dropped Time Warner because they don't show the local sports teams?  How long until Time Warner is sued by its San Diego customers too?

Maybe Time Warner is banking on San Diego not caring about the Padres.

Fail: Automated Phone Menus, and Call Center Representative As A Skilled Trade

One of these days I’m going to stumble on a “find” again.  But if it’s a find over the phone, it’s going to have to include a real, live voice that is trained to make me feel confident that the reason that I called wasn’t in vain.

Lately I’ve had experience after experience (UPS, Bank of America, and Time-Warner Cable) with two call center pitfalls:  bad applications or structures of automated voice answering systems, and representatives who sound like they were hired off the street instead of with call center experience.

Remarkably enough there are still companies out there where you get to speak with a live human being once you’ve established what language you speak.  I used to work for one.  I may be crazy, but I would rather call one of these companies any day of the week and give them my business than a company that guides me through six keystrokes and then automatically hangs up on me.  Is the human touch more expensive for company and customers?  Absolutely.  But it’s the easiest and most effective method of customer retention.

The second component in the equation, however, is hiring skilled labor.  A lot of companies are of the belief that because all of us get plenty of practice talking on our cell phones, we could all be hired for call center work.  But if you’ve ever called a call center and experience a representative who gave you a play-by-play of what keys they were pressing, or said things like “Oops!  Oh, okay, now I think we’ve got it,” or “Just a minute while I find the right screen,” then you can empathize with the point behind finding skilled personnel who know the difference between cell phone conversations with their friends and courteous business interactions.

I know the latter inspires more peace of mind for me.  How about for you?

Fail: UPS

I remember a time when I worked for a start-up in San Francisco that UPS was my hero.  I was working with a company that had to ship to China and Australia from time to time, and our UPS driver guided me through classifications and Schedule Bs and all kinds of import/export land minds.  My experience with UPS prior to that point was nothing but positive--drivers were always courteous, patient, and strived to please.

This impression lasted until about two years ago when I worked for Grainger in Oakland--our regular driver embodied what I knew of UPS, but substitute drivers were rude, late, unapologetic, and the local office’s leadership was more of that on a higher level.  I knew that when our regular driver went on vacation I would have to work longer hours--UPS was to make our pickup by 5:30 pm, but on substitute nights you could find me at work at 7 pm, hoping the twentieth call would get the driver to show up.

When I left my job in April of last year, I still had some items delivered from time to time, and our local UPS residential driver in San Francisco developed a trick over time that if he didn’t have everything delivered by his idea of quitting time then he would just slap a sticker on the main entry door to my apartment building that said I wasn’t home--even when I was.  If I would call about this, the driver would claim the doorbell didn’t work.  (Never in my entire residency in that apartment--four and a half years--did the doorbell not work.)  On days when UPS might have had more delivery staff cover for delivery spikes (for example, when the iPhone 4S came out), UPS leadership didn’t seem to allow for that from the buzz on the social networks; folks were told just to come to the UPS location and pick them up as opposed to making a delivery attempt at all.

I was thinking maybe this was a big city thing; surely UPS can’t have this bad of behavior EVERYWHERE.  This past week a friend of mine sent me a care package here to Carlsbad, California, to deliver on Monday.  When the box didn’t come Monday, I checked the website:  no apt/unit number on the box.  I called the UPS representative, Shawn, who told me that he would add the unit number and it would be delivered Tuesday.  Tuesday I called again in the morning when I saw on the website that it was still in limbo:  Brittany answered, and said it didn’t have an apt/unit number on it.  I explained that Shawn was supposed to add it last night.  Brittany added it (no apology added), and said it would be delivered later that day.  When 6 pm came and went and it was still in limbo, I called again, and Alice informed me that I would need to pick it up in San Marcos.  I said that Shawn and Brittany were supposed to correct the address and that picking up the package myself was unacceptable when two people had told me it would be delivered.  Alice put me on hold, came back, and said the local office would call me within an hour.

Twenty minutes later the hero, and apparently the only guy who can add an apartment number, called me and said that it would be delivered Wednesday.  Wednesday morning, the status changed to “Out for Delivery.”

Shawn?  Brittany?  Alice?  How hard was that?  I tell you, it was hard for me--not as much for not receiving my package for three days, but for the fact that my expertise is in call center customer service.  While I’m not working in that field, there are three people out there that are in those positions, and collecting a paycheck without doing their jobs.

Notes: Customer Service Is Only Part of the Problem

When I post reviews on the social networking sites I try to stay as open-minded as possible:  there are some things the employees have no control over and there are limitations to my cultural knowledge that I am still trying to understand.

Case in point, yesterday I visited a restaurant that called itself a Mexican establishment.  Since I was born and raised in the Midwest, I'm pretty naive when it comes to ethnic cuisine, but I'm getting better at it with the seven years I've lived in San Francisco.  The restaurant seemed to have authentic chips and salsa, and everything else, while tasty, seemed to have been Americanized.  I was disappointed.

I hesitate to mention the restaurant because according to Yelp, a lot of people feel the same way I do.  This consensus doesn't seem to bother the restaurant; my best guess is they figure that patrons can go elsewhere if they don't like the food.  The food was well-prepared, just not authentic, and I had to wonder how the experience might have been improved.

The service during my meal seemed inconsistent; the busboys were prompt, attentive, and efficient, but two people actually asked for my order without talking to each other first, and I didn't receive all of my change after paying the bill.  The waitstaff did check on me, but didn't seem very interested in the answer of whether or not I was satisfied.

How does the individual employee control the customer service experience?  The first step, I would think, would be genuine interest.  With genuine interest your customer tweaks your shortcomings for you, and the information can be passed on to management for improved food and service.  Customer-facing employees are the eyes and ears.  If they don't create the open dialogue with the customer, then the conversation is taken to Yelp and more than likely the cracks in the foundation of the business don't get fixed.